Thursday, September 13, 2012

Statement of President Calvin Coolidge on the Libyan Crisis

After waking up on his own (there would be strict prohibitions against waking him up over things like this), he might have seen that there was a rebellion brewing in Libya and after being hounded by the press he might have made the following statement:

I've never much cared for that Qaddafi fellow.  He was always a bit flashy and thuggish for my taste.  I don't blame the Libyans if they are tired of him.  If they decide that changing their political leadership is something they want to do, then I wish them well.  We had a civil war here and came out of it okay.  I think that every rebellion deserves the opportunity to be left alone and succeed or fail based on the merits of the rebels' grievances, as opposed to the strength of the foreign power that has decided to pick a side in the struggle.  I respect the sovereignty of other governments the same way I expect them to respect the sovereignty of ours.

Clearly there are many nasty and brutish dictators in humanity's history, and they often treated their people downright poorly.  However, I am not nearly wise enough to be able to select which rebellions are: (i) morally correct in their grievances, (ii) weak enough to require the assistance of the U.S. in order to be successful, and (iii) strong enough to be able to stand on their own without further assistance from the U.S. once the tyrant has been toppled.  Since I do not possess this level of knowledge concerning the nature of the countless rebellions that are always unfolding somewhere in the world, and since I do not believe the American people elected me to try out my fortune telling abilities in matters of foreign policy, I am content to leave foreign countries to take care of their own internal affairs and I will busy myself with the internal affairs of the U.S., assuming they do not interfere with my nap times.

We tried to improve upon human nature through government interference and global war under Mr. Wilson's administration, and I do not believe that we saw any improvement at all in human nature as a result of his lavish expenditure of treasure and the the blood of our sons.  I hope you will understand when I say that the business of the U.S. is business, and exorcising the demons in human nature as they manifest themselves in the guise of dictators and thugs in foreign locales is not part of the oath of office I took as President and appears nowhere in my job description under the Constitution.

Good day. [President Coolidge yawns as he leaves the podium]
Shamelessly stolen from here.

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