Memory Eternal!

My step sister Jan died this afternoon following a brief illness. There will be no blogging before the second half of July.

Death: Forget closure, normal grief can last forever

Queen Victoria wore mourning for the rest of her life after Prince Albert's death.

When I was three years old my brother was born. He had a heart condition, and after being in and out of hospital for the whole of his little life, he died when I was five. The time after he was gone was a long and empty period of terrible loneliness and the hollow aching of grief. His death has quite literally marked me, the way all tragedies mark us, particularly when they happen when we’re small.

Even after all these years, there is still a raw place inside that is close enough to the surface to open up again with any big blow and all but double its impact. Even after years of therapy. Even with a long and involved period of training to be a therapist. Even with everything I supposedly know about losses and their impact.

There’s nothing particularly special about this story. While most of us imagine grief should be temporary, our optimism about the transience of loss is not supported by the facts. The death of children and of siblings affects the quality of the rest of our lives. The death of a parent when we are young has long-term measurable impacts on our mental health.

Closure doesn’t appear to be an accurate metaphor for the general course of our human bereavements. Instead, “normal” grief can last in some form for a lifetime.

Read the rest here.

Memory Eternal

My Godfather William (Bill) reposed last night following a brief battle with pancreatic cancer. I spoke with him yesterday afternoon after receiving an email asking if I wanted his icons. I can say with absolute certainty that he was ready and at peace. In time I am sure that will provide some comfort to me. At the moment however the pain is too immediate and great. His last words to me were "I love you."

There will be no blogging until at least September 4th.